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Friday, July 30, 2010

The South Asia Art of Not Coming

So after being here for almost two years, I am now a PRO on being cancelled on. Not necessarily cancelling, but being cancelled on.

And here's why: In South Asia, prior commitments don't really have as much meaning as the here and now. So, if you are with someone and they ask you to stay for dinner or go to a movie or come with them somewhere, because they are with you NOW, it doesn't matter that you made a commitment to be somewhere EARLIER.

To the American mindset, that is ajeeb. We think that everyone should honor prior commitments because time is valuable. But to the South Asia brain, it seems that it is more important to not "hurt" the person you are with NOW, giving little regard to the person out there waiting for you.

To make matters worse, many times, they won't tell you that they aren't coming or that they will be late...so you will just be waiting, with no idea that you are being stood up. To an American, this is so frustrating...and honestly something I'm not used to.

I am friends with some people from Central Asia here. Yesterday, I was stood up again. One of these friends said, "You love people and people make you sad." I thought about this for awhile...and I agree. When you love people, they are going to make you sad because they aren't going to always live up to your expectations. So I told my friend, "True...but that's part of loving people. They make you sad because they aren't perfect..." and that's ok. It doesn't give me an excuse to stop loving people. :)

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